Self-defeat
Insights from psychiatrist, Scott Twentyman, MD
People have a compulsion to repeat self-destructive behavior. Almost by definition, a compulsion is something you feel you have to do whether it makes sense or not. If you resist it, you feel a great deal of distress.
I’ve seen people who were compelled to make unwise business decisions or get into unwise business deals and it cost them dearly. I’ve seen people get involved with partners that any reasonable person could see they should avoid. I’ve seen people make extremely unwise investment choices in speculative stocks, having a need to hit a home run or be a big shot. They do it again and again. There may be a need to validate low self-esteem saying, “See I really am worthless.”
That gets into a complicated area involving how people see themselves and a lot of that comes from the kind of messages they got growing up. It really can be astonishing how carefully people can arrange to create difficulties in their lives.
Everybody who comes into therapy has a significant reason for being there. If you see the problem as an expression of something going on with the whole person, then you’re re more able to see aspects of the repetition compulsion that somebody else might miss if they’re just focused on a specific symptom.
The repetition compulsion is the behavior that’s identifiable, but it’s symptomatic of something that’s bigger. The reason it’s a symptom is that it’s a pattern that got established when the person was a child and didn’t have a lot of resources for coping. So, the person developed the best solution with what was available at the time. It worked for them then, but it doesn’t work so well now.
A lot of time when people come in to see me all they want is to make the pain go away. They’re missing out on what that pain is telling them. That’s throwing away something of exceptional value. Self-awareness is a good thing. Ultimately it comes down to how curious you are about your inner life. How willing are you to explore it? That’s true whether you’re in therapy or not. You have to be curious about yourself.